Still my husband

It has been two and a half years since my husband was called home to Heaven. During this time, I have been asked many times, by many people if I have begun to move on or move forward with my life. It puzzles me as to what this really means.  The life I had was a WE that suddenly became an I. How does one begin to make that transition­…. HE IS STILL MY HUSBAND.

When someone passes away, it is the death of a person, not the relationship. Your parent does not cease to be your parent when they cross over. Your child will always be your child. A friend remains a friend. My husband is still just that….my husband. Move on­?

I have lost relationships with people I thought I could grieve with. Suddenly and with no reason. I do understand grief and grieving. You cannot do it alone. You cannot schedule it. Some days all I want to do is stay in bed with the letters, cards, receipts, stuffed animals… whatever and cry myself dry. I don’t for my own reasons. Some days my makeup is gone from my face before I get to work from a saline tear bath on the drive in. People who I considered friends have stopped answering the phone when I call. I understand their inability to be supportive, it is about them and not me. How can I not talk about him? He is still my husband.

I am no expert on this topic. Hell, I can only speak from where I have come from so far. Just my opinions really.  Things I have been learning. I am not trying to pass on any special grieving secrets, no magic potions, no short cuts.

I have learned that it is ok for me to keep talking about Pete. I should continue to honor his memory however I choose to. As long as it is healthy and productive FOR ME. I will surround myself with supportive people, environments and memories that will make me feel better. I was married to the person God chose for me, regardless of how long. He is still my Husband.